I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
