You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
