This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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