dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
