I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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