he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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