Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
