Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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