come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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