You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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