I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
