He disabled his match.com account in front of me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
