Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
