i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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