If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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