You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
