trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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