I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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