Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
