Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
