Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize