Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How external is "for external use only"?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
