i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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