Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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