Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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