i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This house was built for laser tag.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
