youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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