Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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