I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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