okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
