In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize