i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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