Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
