billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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