K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
