You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
