Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
