We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
