He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
