I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
