I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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