so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
do herpes really smell.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
