Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
