i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
