I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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