Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
