Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
