It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
