I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
