I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
