a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
