The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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