how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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