your room smells of hookers.
And success
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize