the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
