Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
