apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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