I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
