Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
a search helicopter?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
