he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
