dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
