you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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